Thursday, December 20, 2007

Red to the Rescue

Well, I finally feel better. It's with the assistance of a Rx which under normal circumstances I adamantly oppose. But today I wasn't reminded of my random pains every few minutes or more. I could just barely tell that they were still there but thankfully very dull. Fatigue and fog were lifted. My bf even commented that I was more jovial, upbeat and had a sense of humor. A trip to the gym even crossed my mind. In time I'll get there but for now I'm enjoying the success.

So in celebration I put up my little tree. I love Christmas. I love the color red. Less than a week before Christmas. One strand of lights, most of the oddball decorations and a tree skirt. That's it and I'm happy.

Tall, thin and slightly crooked. And blurry.

But there's more to putting up my tree than just feeling better. Claudia's post yesterday mimicked pretty much how I felt about this season, or this year even. I didn't really care to pull out the bins, "fluff" the fake tree or look forward to putting it all away in a week. She reminded me that Christmas makes me feel cozy inside; that it helps make things seem normal. I've been sick and it's really sucked. The pain wasn't going away and after 4 months that just gets depressing. I haven't been myself for what seems like forever.

The topper was going to see my family in Seattle last weekend. I was tired the whole time and in just enough pain for it to be annoying. The other thing: Whenever they asked if I was okay or how I was doing, I couldn't look them in the eyes. I'm not ashamed of what this illness is doing or how I feel but it hurts that they care. I can see it in their eyes. They're as helpless as I am. I've gotten used to it but they haven't been around to see so it's pretty new to them. I'm sure they researched FM. I know they did. My mom's a nurse, my sister's in the field and my other sister brought an article. They love me. They care. But they didn't see the regular Ursy that visits - chipper, bubbly and ready to SHOP. It's hard to see someone you care about when they're sick. I know. I don't like to see it either. This is a chronic thing so it'll just take time for everyone around me to get used to it. Thankfully now though I've found something to help me. Definitely something to be thankful for and a great way to end a year that brought way too many challenges... But I'll save those morsels for the end of the year post.

I think it's time to do a little baking :)

And I can't forget.... A big thank you to Claudia! *HUGS*


Caleb said...

Ahem....When are you going to put up the pics of Mom's scarf?



km said...

My cousin, the one with FM, is here from IN. Actually, she's in Temecula, but we'll see her soon. She's writing something that will hopefully be published, so I'm reading about her High School years and the initial onset of pain. I know it's tougher mentally than physically sometimes. I'm there with my knee. I fell July 12th...and I'm still not the same. So, I get where you're at. Holiday Hugs! Glad you're feeling better.

Claudia said...

I love your tree. And thank *you* for walking along this path with me today. Holidays are not always easy for some of us. So it's really nice to have company along the way.

You've just made a friend for life here. Thank you for being out there!